How to be a Great Wife: 8 Helpful Mindsets
Do you want to be a great wife?
I think most of us do. We don’t wake up thinking, “Gee, I wonder what I can do to make my husband’s life miserable today.” At least, I hope you don’t!!!
You want to do your best, right? I know I do. Some days it’s easy, and other days it’s hard.
Maybe you feel like your husband doesn’t deserve a “great wife.” He’s not attentive enough, or he doesn’t help out around the house enough. Perhaps you think he doesn’t put you first over his mom or sister.
That’s a problem in the way you think. Quite bluntly, none of us deserve a great spouse. We all have moments (or years) of selfishness, laziness, and pessimism. None of us are perfect either, ladies.
We don’t deserve forgiveness of our sins either, but Jesus freely gives forgiveness to us.
So, we all should try to be a great wife, the best one we can be. This journey starts with a new way of thinking about your husband and your marriage. If you teach yourself to think in new ways, you can change your feelings toward your husband.
Wanna try? Here are a few thoughts great wives have about their marriages and husbands.
My husband needs me to be Close to God
The first mindset great wives have is the understanding of who you are in Christ so that you can be all you are meant to be as a wife, mother, employee, whatever!
Spend time with God each day. Seek Him first when you don’t feel like being a great wife. Pray about it before you say things you should not say. Pray for your husband that he will live a life guided by God.
The closer you are to God, the closer you will find yourself growing toward your husband because He will work on you and teach you His ways. When you follow in His ways, you will have a better outlook on life and your marriage.
My husband is my priority
After God, your next priority should be to your husband. This means over your kids, your other family members, church, work, and anything else you have in your life.
To be a great wife, you need to serve your husband. Servanthood was a command from Jesus as he showed His disciples how to live a godly life. You want to make your husband’s life easier, not more complicated. If you know he needs something done, and you can do it, then make it so! He’ll feel appreciated and understood.
You shouldn’t serve just to get something in return, but what we do does come back to us.
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. Luke 6:38
If you want to serve your husband, understand that the way that he will appreciate the most is sex. We make lots of excuses about why we can’t have sex like being too tired, too busy, or not feeling connected enough.
Think about the thing that you most want from your husband. How do you feel when he doesn’t do it? That’s how he feels when you are disinterested in sex. He does take rejection personally, whether you mean it that way or not.
So commit to improving your sex life. Maybe it needs to be more often. Perhaps with more enthusiasm on your part. Be creative and keep things fresh. If you need ideas, check out Dating Divas or the Ultimate Intimacy app.
I am thankful for my husband
When you are upset about something that your husband did or said, instead of focusing on what could trigger you to start recalling all the terrible things he’s done in the past, list out the things you are thankful for about him. Run those things through your mind and tell him you are grateful for him because (fill in the blank).
Great wife tip: When you are feeling thankful, write those down, so you have a list the next time you can’t think of anything.
Also, don’t wait for a time when things are tough. Find a way to show your gratitude every day. Thank God for bringing your husband into your life.
I will forgive my husband for his mistakes
Holding grudges brings anger and bitterness into your relationship. It can make you depressed or anxious, and you’ll find it harder to connect with your husband.
Forgiveness is one of the most significant indications of marriage success. People who are willing to forgive have healthier relationships, better mental health, and less anxiety, stress, and hostility. All of this will create a marriage that you can feel great about.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Help avoid grudges from taking hold by dealing with issues when they come up. Don’t let them fester!
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, Ephesians 4:26
My husband is my best friend
I’ll be honest. I don’t understand how your husband isn’t your best friend, yet I hear a lot about women having a bunch of girlfriends so they “have someone to talk to.” I’ve heard people say, “Who can I complain about my husband to if I don’t have a best girlfriend?”
Therein lies the problem, ladies. You shouldn’t be complaining about him.
By having the mindset that your husband is your best friend, you will find yourself acting like it more and more. And trust me, there’s great happiness in being best friends, not just spouses. In fact, most people who have life-long relationships say that being friends was the most essential ingredient for their success.
I stand by my husband, even in the tough times
In case 2020 hasn’t taught you this already, life can throw a bunch of curveballs at you. You will face trials and tribulations as a couple. Your husband needs to know that you have his back in tough times.
So when things are hard, acknowledge the effort your husband makes. Give him proverbial “points” just for showing up and trying. Support his decisions, especially those that were tough to make or may not have had the results you wanted. Your support will build him up and give him the courage to make the next decision without worrying that you will be angry.
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I respect my husband for who he is
God loves us for who we are. There are no conditions on His love, and a great wife never put conditions on her respect for her husband.
I’m an INTJ on the Myers-Briggs scale. In general, INTJs believe respect has to be earned, and that it can be lost. But with my husband, I don’t have that problem. I have decided that I will respect him at all times.
Despite his flaws, and regardless of what he does or doesn’t do, he doesn’t lose my respect. He just can’t. It won’t happen.
But it’s not enough to just have my mind trained to respect him, I have to live out that respect too. I can show respect by treating him kindly. A little good-natured teasing is OK, but hurtful words aren’t. Great wives love their husband like they want to be loved.
Read more about why speaking disrespectfully to or about your husband in What Happens When You Criticize Your Spouse in Public.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31
I am committed to my husband for life
Never ever let the idea of divorce come to the forefront of your mind. (Of course, this doesn’t apply to abusive situations or adultery) It looks like the easy way out, but it’s not. Divorce has a slew of unfortunate effects on everyone in the family. A great wife recognizes that God can bring them through it.
Be careful to stay faithful to your husband. I don’t just mean physically, but emotionally, too. If you start relying on someone else to meet your needs, you are putting your marriage in jeopardy.
These eight mindsets can change your marriage through the change they will make in you. It’s not an overnight process, though. It takes determination, commitment, a relationship with God, and maybe some outside help.
If you would like some help making these new mindsets an integral part of your marriage, we can help you with that. Check out our Services page and learn about marriage coaching, or apply for a free 30-minute marriage assessment!
