How to Be Faithful in Marriage: It’s About More Than Sex!

Being faithful in marriage, while once expected in society, is now ridiculed by many people. The consensus seems to be that no one is capable of staying loyal to only one partner for their entire lives. As a result, one in five men and one in six women will have an extramarital affair at some time.

It’s no wonder people are so skeptical of marriage. It’s been drilled into their minds that marriages just don’t last because no one will be faithful.

A strong marriage has the opposite mindset. Even though society sees faithfulness as a joke, people who believe marriage can last a lifetime believe it is essential.

Why is faithfulness in marriage essential?

Those who show faithfulness in their marriages will reap the benefits

Faithfulness allows you to build a stronger friendship with your spouse over the years. It gives you freedom and confidence to just be you because you know that your spouse will not leave you. You prevent the pain of a broken heart at the hands of a cheating spouse.

A faithful marriage shows your children that marriage can be successful and gives them an example to follow. So many families are caught up in cycles of generational divorce. If your kids don’t know how to have a life-long marriage, they won’t, and their hearts will be in turmoil.

There’s more to faithfulness than just sex, though. It’s about being faithful to your spouse in every aspect of your marriage. It’s complete relationship faithfulness.

Complete relationship faithfulness is a mindset where you decide that you do your part to create a solid and healthy marriage. It includes sex, but other areas are just as important. When you decide that your spouse comes first in each of these ways, your marriage can be a place of freedom and growth.

Sex

Faithfulness is about sex, but not only about restraining yourself from having an affair. It’s also about not withholding sex from your spouse. I once heard a couple happily announce that they were glad that “that part of our lives is over.” I believed them too. It didn’t feel like a joke.

Sex is an essential part of a marriage. Its wrong for any married person to unilaterally decide that they are no longer interested in sex, so their spouse will just have to adjust. It’s a blatant sign that the marriage itself is unimportant, and it’s just plain mean.

If you’re wondering how you can bring up the topic of sex with your spouse in a productive way, try reading How to Talk With Your Spouse About Sex from our friends at Married Christian Sex.

Commitment

There are three different types of commitment that we have to things in our lives, like work, church, friends, and especially marriage. Some of these require a moral commitment. You know you ought to stay committed to something, so you do. You believe it is the right thing to do. Other commitments are structural. You know you have to keep these commitments because breaking them would be complicated, such as a job.

The final kind of commitment is a personal commitment. These are the commitments you keep because you want to. Your marriage hopefully falls into this category. You stay in the marriage because you want to, not because of obligation or necessity.

But the strongest commitment you can make to your marriage is a mixture of all three. If you know that you should stay in your marriage because it’s what God wants for you, that’s a moral commitment. Add into that the intermingling of your lives as one flesh by sharing finances, friends, and children, and you have a structural commitment. With the emotional component of your personal commitment, you have a three-stranded cord of loyalty to your marriage. And a three-stranded cord is less likely to break than just one cord is.

Trust

Another way you should be faithful in your marriage is by trusting your spouse and being trustworthy to them. Don’t abandon them or threaten to divorce them to get your way. Let them know through your words and actions that you love them for who they are and have no ulterior motives for the relationship. Spouses should be able to trust that their partner will not bring them harm, reject them, or try to control their lives.

You have been entrusted with the care of your spouse’s heart. Be a good steward of it.

This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy. 1 Corinthians 4:1–2

Respect

Respect for one another is a key to complete relationship faithfulness. The Bible teaches us many ways to treat others respectfully, and those commands apply to your spouse twice as much as to anyone else. Respect is the foundation of marital satisfaction and happiness.

So treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you. Listen to and value their opinions when you have decisions to make. Never speak negatively about your spouse to anyone else, even your close family, and be sure to talk kindly to them when you are alone as well.

Boundaries

Another way to be faithful in marriage is to set boundaries for what is and isn’t appropriate with the opposite sex. Nothing will make someone feel more threatened than knowing that their spouse is creating a connection with someone else that is either emotional or physical. So it would be best if you avoided even the appearance of misconduct.

We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. 1 John 5:19

Set these boundaries as a team. Make it clear what is and isn’t acceptable for you, and hold yourself to the same standard you do them. Don’t flirt with others. Save that for your spouse. (Yes, you can and should still flirt!) When you are with members of the opposite sex, talk about your spouse often. This reference to your spouse will let the other person know you are not available. And most importantly, don’t be alone with someone else of the opposite sex. Not only does it look bad, but it can also be a slow decline into an inappropriate relationship.

Priorities

Being faithful in marriage requires work. Things don’t get better when they are left alone. Imagine what your house would look like if you never cleaned. The result comes from entropy. Entropy is a scientific concept associated with a state of disorder, randomness, and uncertainty. In other words, everything tends toward chaos if you don’t actively work to avoid it. Marriage is no different.

To be faithful in marriage, prioritize working on it every day. Create daily rituals such as a hug and kiss goodbye and a time for focusing on communication with one another to stay connected.

Make date nights a priority. Don’t just pencil them in on your calendar. Use a permanent marker! Nothing short of a dire emergency should derail these special times together. The more time you spend together alone, the stronger and healthier your marriage will be. When you are on a date night, talk about your future. Looking forward is an indication that you plan on being together next year and for many years to come.

Do your part

Marriage is teamwork. A team doesn’t fight for a fair division of labor because each member does their part for the entire team’s benefit. You should do the same thing to benefit your family.

Many couples end up fighting over who is doing more to keep up the housework, tending to the children, and everything else that you do each day. Fighting over this is not necessary. If you are truly faithful in your marriage, you will do your part without complaining. If there is a considerable imbalance of labor, talk it out. Don’t nag your spouse or try to become a martyr. If you can’t talk out a division of labor, you probably have trouble in other areas of your marriage that you should address first.

Even though we all learn how a home operates in childhood, you don’t have to do things like your parents did. You don’t have to copy the couples around you. Do things the way it works for you. There’s no such thing as male chores and female chores, but there is a difference in what each of you is good at and capable of completing. Bring your strengths to the table.

Living out a mindset of complete relationship faithfulness is keeping your spouse at the front of your mind in everything you do and say. When you strive toward this faithfulness in your marriage, it creates peace of mind and a more mature, lasting love between the two of you.

Which one of these aspects of faithfulness do you struggle with? Drop us an email and let us know. We’d love to help! tracey@marriageconfetti.net